


For Once in My Life

by CeeceePepper



Category: Fire Emblem: If | Fire Emblem: Fates
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, In the perspective of Shura, M/M, This is, and v emotional, really soft and sweet
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-26
Updated: 2017-06-26
Packaged: 2018-11-19 05:42:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,706
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11306877
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CeeceePepper/pseuds/CeeceePepper
Summary: "I allowed myself to trip down a rabbit hole that had no exit, it had no ends, and where I had fallen, Niles was there to make sure I wasn't hurt. The worst part was that for once in my life, I wasn't physically rejecting every advancement. It was like my body wanted to let it work out."Hurt/Comfort fic in the perspective of Shura, reflecting on how Niles came to comfort him and he fell in love.





	For Once in My Life

He laughed when I laughed. He loved me unconditionally. He wrapped his arms around me when I felt like the world was crumbling, and he held the bits and made sure they still held form. He made sure that I could hold up, and when I couldn't, he was there to help it stay together. He watched and kept watch, even during the times where he should've been doing anything but thinking of me.

He went out of his way for me.

I could never, ever reflect this back adequately; just the intentions were matched, but often, my actions couldn't show what my intentions were. And yet, through all of it, he somehow knew. It was like even though his eyes were damaged, he could see the truth clearer than I ever could. I never had to say a word and he would know what I meant. He just did, and he knew this. Even when he most likely couldn't tell, he continued to go above and beyond to make sure that I felt his intentions clearly.

I loved him. The man named Niles was the man I fell in love with.

It had started all from an ill-considered night of drinking. I always knew that he was into both men and women, but I myself would never dare to even become attached to the lowest of our group. This man was three thousand leagues above me, in an untouchable land that I could only dream of witnessing. He was attractive, sure, that much was obvious, and his intelligence and bravery in battle were unmatched, despite him wielding a less-than-brave weapon set. He was the ideal lover, the ideal man, and I crumpled into a heap under his shadow, the expectations of what I could never live up to staring me directly in the face. And, after that night, it had become quite literal: Niles had become infatuated with me, for any reason at all was unforseeable in my eyes, but he only had the one, and often I saw it clearly as he had made a habit to catch my lips in a kiss once in a while. It had become a custom, and the more I got used to it, the more ill I felt with myself.

I allowed myself to trip down a rabbit hole that had no exit, it had no ends, and where I had fallen, Niles was there to make sure I wasn't hurt. The worst part was that for once in my life, I wasn't physically rejecting every advancement. It was like my body wanted to let it work out.

Now, by no means, am I a person who accepts affections; I do the opposite, I verbally and mentally reject all of these things. I, more often than not, will never accept such prizes of the earth as long as I live as I do not feel I deserve any sort of special treatment. I am often what others consider to be a "threat to the very livelihood of many", and by such titles that are closely related, I don't like to be too open or vocal with myself. It is a habit that I have grown used to. Having Niles come along and shatter that habit in at least one way was something I had never expected.

After the night of drinking, I hadn't considered the effects it would have on Niles. We had breached a fine line that had been drawn, one that we took an eraser to together and redrew somewhere far and near the planet that Niles had fallen from to even be near my presence. He often came to me after missions, and brought fine wines with him, more to get me to ease up than to drink without meaning. I perhaps might've been an alcoholic had he not been around, with how much he had gotten me to drink some nights. We talked, and talked, and for once in my life, I had felt like I could say these things without repercussions. Alcohol be damned, as I shared many stories that I wouldn't have otherwise, simply bringing Niles and myself closer than we would've had the wine never been involved. Alcohol seemed to be the way to get me to talk, and I figure he guessed that eventually, because after a while if he hadn't brought any I would start to question his intentions for the night.

It had made him more comfortable to be around, and I would let him get touchy sometimes, if he was lucky. As soon as I verbally gave him the ok to do so (which he obediently waited for each time, like a puppy waiting for a treat), he would be on me like sap on the bottom of a boot, stuck to my side and making sure at all times that we were close. We had an invisible leash between us, only allowed to go so far before we got together again. The worst part? I began to draw closer as well. It would send shivers of unsettling fear when his warm arms weren't around me, that silken cape draped and dusting my shoulder with it's expensive fabric. If it was missing, I would feel like part of me was gone, as well.

I should've guessed that once his touch felt like an obligation, that I had fallen in love with this man. It was more than obvious to our comrades, who often jested about how you could not seperate us, that Corrin's entire army fleet could never unglue our hips from each other. While I would often chuckle and hide behind my cup whilst staring at the fire, listening to Niles let out a laugh that came from the bottom of his belly and out into an emotional light that set flames to my heart was something that I would always cherish. It was during those nights where the forest's nightly air was warm and a gentle breeze took our hats and scarves away that I would allow us to be the closest than we often would be, Niles bringing my chin up with slightly-scuffed fingers to lay a kiss on my lips, where nobody could see us or judge us. It was different from the times where alcohol was involved, where motives could be questions, as these instances were more innocent than any of my past lives combined. There was always a sparkle in his eyes, like I were something to be cherished, and I'm sure to him that it could possibly have been true.

He uttered words to me I never dared to think would be aimed at me. Three little words would often catch my entire being off guard, something he took advantage of in the most positive of ways. I'd be bundled up to his lap, hugged with the most fierce of strength, and told how wonderful I was. I could never vocalize it back, how I felt about Niles, but he seemed to understand all the while. It was those nights by the fire that crackled softly in tune with the soft snores of my comrades did I realize what love felt like.

It was not only those nights, but when we got back from missions, did I also feel like love had been planted into my heart. He would yawn like a wild animal, loud and from his entire being, stretching tall enough to gently hit his head on doorframes in the smaller sections of our quarters. We began to share, my room being empty and collecting dust as I joined him at night. It wasn't anything sexual, either; while sex was great, and was more satisfying than any girl I think I could've been with, he was quite the cuddler as well, something many of our friends most likely wouldn't believe. He was warm, and I didn't mind sharing bodily temperature, more than content to press my nose to his collar bone from under a blanket that he had draped over the both of us and notice the smallest scents of the wood polish for his bow and the spices he would use to bathe in. He would always chuckle at me getting handsy and close, and for some reason, he often told me that my pale skin against his tanner figure always made him happy to see.

I'd fall asleep like that, and in the morning, he'd be drooling into our pillow, and I would be using his bare chest as the pillow. Gentle light pouring in and gracing against his olive skin was what my eyes would lay upon first, watching as he would shuffle and sometimes choke on his own spit from being stirred away; which, in retrospect, was quite the sight to watch, as my favorite and usually composed comrade would fling himself up into a sitting position and cough, his light hair a messy mat on the back of his head as he sniffled, waited, and then nervously laugh. It was enough to add ten years to my lifespan, watching that go down. Other mornings, I would wake up, and Niles would be running his fingers through the mixed parts of my salt-and-pepper colored hair, watching me with an affectionate expression and waiting to be able to give me a good morning kiss.

There were other times where I felt my heart swell in such a similar warmth; why, one time, Niles had taken me by the gloved hand and dragged me out to a garden that he had asked Corrin to use, and as music played in the distance, he made me twirl around and dance with him as if I were some princess. As emasculating as it was, something about it made me feel as if I could be king of his world.

And, I suppose in some ways, he was the King of my world.

I say all this as if he's gone, but he really isn't. He's on a mission, and I miss him. Funny how a single person can take over a life so quickly.

For once in my life, I let myself fall in love. The man named Niles was the man I fell in love with.


End file.
